SEEEEXXX PLEASE
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
