you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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