So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
