i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
