He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
