the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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