4 words: hood of his car
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
