just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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