why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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