wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
