This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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