I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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