It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
