And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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