Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
