She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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