Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
