You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
