so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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