Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
