Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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