I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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