just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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