Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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