Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
is wine microwaveable?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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