Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
