He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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