Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
even my farts smell like vagina
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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