Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
