did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
