he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
