DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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