Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
