Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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