Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize