I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The Olympian is in my bed
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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