Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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