i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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