So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
