you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
