You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
