He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
