I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm at about main and main street
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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