did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
OPIZZABONMYDICK
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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