Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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