Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize