yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
