ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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