we made out on top of his cat.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize