A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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