They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
