ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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