Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
