The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
