do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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