Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
