see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
