Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
