Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
splinters make it hard to masturbate
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
