so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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