After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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