The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
