I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
