Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize