the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So squirting runs in the family.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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