I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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