She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
