put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
