I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
