It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
