My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
