Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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