tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
