I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
