I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
