her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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