am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
