oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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