Will you blow on my dice?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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