Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
