Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You dont lie about slip and slides
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
