i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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