What a fucking waste of an outfit
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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