Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
