I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
