we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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