Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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