either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
