I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize