So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
