i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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