how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
