I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
