I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
