He told me they were just razor bumps!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
